A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was
married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
